there are always these moments in my life when i feel really nostalgic. like if i could, i'd go back in time, to my cozy omaha home, where i'd somehow feel more important there than anywhere else. my phone would ring more often, i'd use 10 times as much gas, i'd be familiar with most things in town, i wouldn't have a roommate asking me how work or class was every time i got home, i'd never get bored because someone would always be up for a drive, food or coffee, or a movie, and i could always count on my parents for a home-cooked meal or a nice night around the house.
i'm not sure why i feel so insignificant here. it's hard for me to see if i'm positively influencing the people around me or if i have no impact on anyone but myself. but as the days pass, i realize i'm heading in the right direction. there's something kind of thrilling about feeling small or unimportant, or whatever it is i'm feeling. it makes me want to work harder. as the semester is coming to an end, i'm more excited about my life than i have ever been. it sounds ridiculous because when you look at it, i'm dropping out of school to work in a coffee shop and "figure out my life."
and although i may not have as many close-knit relationships here in lincoln, that's okay. this has been a really important and enjoyable time in my life where i've had to become independent. it's okay that i don't receive as many phone calls, in fact, it's kind of nice. riding my bike and taking the bus is way better than driving and using up gas (and ruining the motha nature!) anyway. exploring lincoln's hidden treasures always provides for a fun time with the people i care about. living in a house with 4 other girls is something i'll never experience again and always having a girl around to talk or watch stupid movies with is something i should take advantage of. and lets be honest, it's about time i start cooking myself s'more home cooked goodness!
i'm trying to teach myself to look at things positively as they are now. there's absolutely no reason for me to be unhappy with my life as it is.
i'm not sure why i feel so insignificant here. it's hard for me to see if i'm positively influencing the people around me or if i have no impact on anyone but myself. but as the days pass, i realize i'm heading in the right direction. there's something kind of thrilling about feeling small or unimportant, or whatever it is i'm feeling. it makes me want to work harder. as the semester is coming to an end, i'm more excited about my life than i have ever been. it sounds ridiculous because when you look at it, i'm dropping out of school to work in a coffee shop and "figure out my life."
and although i may not have as many close-knit relationships here in lincoln, that's okay. this has been a really important and enjoyable time in my life where i've had to become independent. it's okay that i don't receive as many phone calls, in fact, it's kind of nice. riding my bike and taking the bus is way better than driving and using up gas (and ruining the motha nature!) anyway. exploring lincoln's hidden treasures always provides for a fun time with the people i care about. living in a house with 4 other girls is something i'll never experience again and always having a girl around to talk or watch stupid movies with is something i should take advantage of. and lets be honest, it's about time i start cooking myself s'more home cooked goodness!
i'm trying to teach myself to look at things positively as they are now. there's absolutely no reason for me to be unhappy with my life as it is.
2 comments:
if going back in time includes couple skating at cheap skate, count me in!
I think it's way more respectable to work in a coffee shop and figure your life out, then to sit in a classroom wondering why you're there. Your a cool kiddo, you'll turn out okay ;) Loved this entry.
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